


to california

by cryystal_m00n



Series: obligatory cliche tropes [10]
Category: The Rose (Band)
Genre: Alcohol, Alternate Universe - Road Trip, Angst, Childhood Trauma, Depression, Eating Disorders, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Fluff, Found Family, Idiots in Love, M/M, Minor Character Death, OT4, Oblivious, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Rating May Change, Recreational Drug Use
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-28
Updated: 2020-01-11
Packaged: 2020-10-30 05:15:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 10,090
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20809133
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cryystal_m00n/pseuds/cryystal_m00n
Summary: sometimes, the best thing a person can do in order to regain that spark they had lost along the way is to run away.





	1. i need someone to save me

**Author's Note:**

> not beta-ed yet so there may be mistakes  
this will basically be a long, LONG ride my guys. theyre going through a bunch of states and they have a LOT of feelings to go through so idk how many chapters it will have.  
i've made a playlist for this fic, it's full of songs that fit the atmosphere: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/6hzeToJdCM61ww9I8p0RfF all chapters will be named after songs in this playlist.  
enjoy my dudes, dudettes and non binary friends

over the course of one’s life, this meaningless concept loses its spark. then comes depression, anxieties, insecurities and fear of the future, uncertainty, sleepless nights, wasted on fueling those same things that make a person lose the wish to be alive. over the course of one’s life, the person gets a choice: they can either do something about it and regain the spark, the passion, or they can accept it. 

on the night jaehyeong turns twenty, there is a knock on his window, and outside, there are three boys, all waiting for him with the biggest smiles they could muster. 

“let’s go on a road trip!” the shortest of them yells, so loud; he probably wakes the whole neighbourhood.

“it’s the middle of fall, woosung!” jaehyeong responds. as if to demonstrate his point, he shivers in the cold wind. 

“and your point is?” the blond among the three asks. he’s smirking at jeahyeong, as if he knows that he can’t say no to them. and, frankly, he’s right. 

“fuck you, hajoon,” he mumbles and closes the window. once back inside his cozy and _ very _warm room, he begins to pack whatever he may need for this road trip. jaehyeong has no idea how long they will spend on the road, or where they will go. if woosung wants to go towards cali, then he will need some summer clothes; but if dojoon convinces him to go towards fargo or bismarck, he will need some sweaters too. 

jaehyeong sighs. they could’ve at least given him somewhat of a warning before dropping the news on his shoulders. 

the door to his room opens, and dojoon steps inside. he’s smiling (he always is) and when he sees the conflicted look on jaehyeong’s face, dojoon laughs. “pack anything you can think of,” he says, as he heads to his closet. “i’ll take care of the clothes, you take care of whatever else you may need, ok, baby?” 

“i’m not a baby,” he mumbles, but passes his bag to the elder. “i’m twenty now!”

“i know, hyeongie.” jaehyeong can hear the smile in dojoon’s voice even if he doesn’t see his face. he takes it as the end of the conversation, so with dojoon’s advice in mind, he goes straight to his overflowing bookshelf. he spends a few moments trying to decide on which books he should bring, but then he remembers that woosung likes to be read _ the little prince _ when he’s stressed, and that hajoon enjoys certain parts in _ the catcher in the rye_, and that dojoon is fond of kafka. he takes all of the ones he knows the boys like and sneaks in a few volumes of _ 20 century boys _ for himself. 

next, he looks for his pills, both for his allergies and for his depression and insomnia. he adds his charger and headphones too, because he knows hajoon will blast disco music in the middle of the night. he throws his wallet on top of it all, and then he turns to look around. 

something strikes him, and he runs to his closet, pushing dojoon away. he opens the drawer that’s right at the bottom, and pulls out his _ special _snacks. might as well eat them on this adventure. 

“is that all?” dojoon asks, struggling to pull the zipper closed on jaehyeong’s bag. 

“i think so? you’ve packed underwear, right?” dojoon looks at him, unimpressed. “right, of course you did,” jaehyeong mumbles. “i think that’s it, then.”

“marvelous! let’s go, then! the boys are waiting!” the shorter man says, pulling on jaehyeong’s hand to get him going. “you can go back to sleep inside, baby.”

“no, i’ll stay up with you three idiots in case you decide to go to fucking canada or something.”

dojoon pushes the door to the entrance of the building open with his shoulder. he gives jaehyeong an almost hurtful look, but the younger knows he’s just playing. “you know only joonie wants to go to canada, baby. and that’s because bri is there.”

when he steps outside, the cold air wraps around him and makes him regret not putting on a thicker sweater. he notices woosung’s ugly suzuki minivan, as ugly as it has always been. “are we really gonna use _ that _ for this road trip?”

“do you have a better alternative?”

“we could walk! it would be faster!”

dojoon laughs and pulls open the door. he throws jaehyeong’s bag inside and gets in, holding his hand out for the younger to hold onto as he climbs in. “come on, baby! we don’t have all the time!”

jaehyeong glares at his outstretched hand, and just because he’s petty, he gets inside the van without dojoon’s help. he picks up the stuffed toy that seems to have been waiting for jaehyeong to come. “what’s this?”

“the first part of your birthday present,” woosung answers him from the driver’s seat, turning his whole body around to look at jaehyeong. “we don’t know _ what _it is, but--”

“we think it’s a bee-dog-unicorn hybrid,” hajoon finishes his idea. woosung nods, looking far too serious for the situation they’re in right now. 

“i’ll name them… rose.”

“rose?” dojoon asks.

jaehyeong hums, burying his face in rose’s fluffy body. the toy smells of lilac flowers, of tobacco and weed, of burning wood and of freshly brewed coffee. jaehyeong _ loves it_. “thank you,” he mumbles, muffled by the toy. 

“happy birthday, baby,” the boys say, at the exact same time, as if they rehearsed it. jaehyeong knows they didn’t. they just happen to say the exact same thing sometimes. it’s normal when they’ve spent almost sixteen years together, side by side. 

woosung starts the car. mirtill (no one knows why woosung named it that) roars as she comes back to life. it takes her a few minutes, but soon, she’s going and there doesn’t seem to be any immediate sign of stopping. 

“make yourself comfortable, hyeongie,” he hears woosung say. “we have a long way until the next stop.”

he snuggles close to dojoon, a secure grip on rose as his other arm sneaks around dojoon’s waist. the elder’s fingers pull on his tangled locks, working each and every knot out gently. hajoon is humming along to the song that’s on the radio, he can vaguely hear woosung’s fingers beat the rhythm on the steering wheel. 

jaehyeong falls asleep before he can wrap his head around the idea that he’s leaving on a spontaneous trip with his friends. they don’t sing him happy birthday when the clock finally strikes midnight, but it’s not like any of them has the heart to wake up the sleeping boy anyway. it’s not often he falls asleep without his pills or without hours wasted with turning and trying (but failing) to get a few hours of rest. 

* * *

he wakes up multiple times during the night, but each time he’s lulled to sleep by the shushed voices around him. it’s only much later, when the sun is peeking through woosung’s window curtains, that he wakes up and _ stays _awake. he’s happy woosung redecorated his van, that he thought of making it a bit more homey than just the ugly back seats and dirty flooring. 

now, it has a relatively comfortable bed hidden behind see through curtains, the floor is a pretty, deep mahogany color, though most of it is covered in fluffy carpets (hajoon’s idea). there is a small table next to the bed, and jaehyeong can guess that all of their bags are under the bed. 

he’s not alone on the bed, as he would’ve thought. woosung is spooning him from behind, snoring softly right in his ear. jaehyeong turns around in the elder’s arms. woosung is as beautiful as he always is, his long lashes brushing against his cheeks. jaehyeong hopes hajoon brought his eyeshadow pallets with him, cause he misses the rainbow freckles woosung would sometimes sport. 

jaehyeong traces his soft features with the pad of his finger, careful as to not wake him up. he’s probably been driving all night while also listening to hajoon sing along with abba, so woosung deserves all of the sleep he can get. 

getting out of bed, jaehyeong’s feet hit the carpeted floor. he makes sure to put rose in woosung’s arms to keep him company. the trip to the front of the van is short lived thankfully; he doesn’t think he would be able to write a great distance without any coffee in his system right now. 

dojoon looks at him briefly, before focusing on the road again. “morning, hyeongie.” his fingers are intertwined with hajoon’s, but the blond frees his hand to ruffle jaehyeong’s bed hair. he’s too busy munching on a granola bar too greet him good morning, but the younger knows far too well what he’s thinking. 

he slides in between the two, so that he can hold both dojoon’s and hajoon’s hands. “did you two get any sleep?”

hajoon swallows the last bits of his granola bar and says, “i’m functioning on pure caffeine and spite!” jaehyeong sighs, but doesn’t make any further comment. he will at least be there when all of this energy burns off and hajoon will either pass out or… pass out. 

“and i managed to take a nap with you, jae. it was woosung who’s been driving all night long without a pause,” dojoon informs him. his hand squeezes jaehyeong’s for a split second before he has to change the gear. when he puts it on the youngest’s body again, he places it on his thigh. 

the spot where dojoon touches him, the hand that hajoon is holding, both burn. the electricity that flows through his body soon replaces his blood and jaehyeong swears he can see it under his skin. it must be the passing shadows that give off this illusion. jaehyeong rubs his eyes.

“where are we actually heading?” he asks, hoping to take his mind off of the hands that are on him. it’s too early to _ not _ feel something that he shouldn’t.

“los angeles,” hajoon whispers. when he looks at the blond, there is an undoubtable hint of mischievousness in his eyes; the glint makes jaehyeong bite down a moan. 

he imagines being under them, under _ each _ of them, their fingers ghosting over his skin, inside of him, scraping at his--

_ far _ too early for these thoughts to occur. 

“first stop?”

“pennsylvania,” dojoon answers him. 

the car --mirtill-- speeds up. they’re on the highway, dojoon can go as fast as he wants. so he pushes the clutch, down, down, _ down_, until the world passes by them in a blur. they’re flying. it’s freeing.

hajoon is laughing next to him, a full body laugh, almost maniacal. jaehyeong joins him, leaning his body on the blond. he wants to be close to him. to all of them, but for now he has to satisfy his needs with just one. 

the music on the radio is loud, but the buzzing in jaehyeong’s ears makes him unable to really hear it. he’s not mad about it. 

“what will we do there?”

this time, it’s woosung who answers him, “whatever the hell we want, jae. it’s still your birthday after all.” there is shuffling behind them, as if the eldest is trying to find his way out of the sheets. “now one of you come back, i don’t like sleeping alone.”

hajoon rolls his eyes, but he stands up nevertheless. he sits on jaehyeong’s lap for a second --he makes sure to roll his hips when he sits-- and then he’s gone, disappearing behind the curtains and, _ probably_, plopping himself down on top of woosung. jaehyeong guesses that’s what happens because of the pained groan that overpowers the music. 

hajoon’s giggles soon turn back into humming, and after a few more minutes, the shuffling settles down. woosung has gone back to sleep, most likely. 

“did you get any of the good stuff?” he asks, leaning in closer to dojoon to whisper.

“you know it, baby. that’s the second gift.”

“how many are there?”

dojoon smirks. “twenty.”

“you didn’t buy me twenty gifts!” jaehyeong whisper-yells, scandalized. 

stopping to give priority to a driver coming from the left, dojoon whispers in his ear, his breathing hot on jaehyeong’s neck. “who said they’re all material, kitten?”

biting down another mewl, _ much _ more desperate than the one that hajoon managed to almost pull out of him, the younger hits dojoon’s shoulder meekly. he settles with looking out the window for the rest of the ride, though his hand was still in the brunet’s tight grasp. 

* * *

at lunchtime, they stop at a typical american diner. the food is disgusting, the place is somehow even grosser, but they have one good thing: their milkshakes are phenomenal. jaehyeong doesn’t even bother to eat the fries anymore, he just steals woosung and hajoon’s milkshakes and calls it a meal. 

“you know, we may call you a kitty and all that, but you need more than just milk,” dojoon says when he notices that the younger has finished his _ third _ milkshake. 

“he needs daddies’ milk,” hajoon snorts into his fries (disgusting), but none of them care. woosung’s hand reaches for some of them and stuffs the greasy potatoes in his mouth. he’s still tired, that much is obvious. 

fighting back a blush, jaehyeong stands up. “i’m gonna bring sungie more coffee. do you guys want anything else?”

the blond looks up at him, his bloodshot eyes staring into jaehyeong’s equally tired ones. he puckers his lips, wordlessly asking for a kiss. jaehyeong rolls his eyes, kisses his finger and then lightly touches hajoon’s lips. he leaves without another word. 

the boy who works behind the counter looks as if he’s bored out of his mind, he doesn’t even lift his eyes from his phone as he pours lukewarm coffee in jaehyeong’s awaiting empty mug. 

“can i have another milkshake, please?” 

the boy’s shoulders slump as he pushes himself off the chair. “anything else?”

“no, thank you,” jaehyeong mumbles. suddenly, he feels bad for ordering the sweet treat and bothering the kid. he knows how hard working in customer service is, yet he just made this young boy’s, barely a step into teenagehood, day harder!

“actually--”

“yes?” the boy gives him an unimpressed look. he doesn’t manage to stop in time from pouring the milk in the blender. “you want strawberries or somethin’? cause we ran out of them a few days ago. i can pour some syrup in it if you want.”

jaehyeong can feel tear forming in the corner of his eyes. _ great_. “n-no, it’s alright. t-thank you.” 

not even one day away from his comfort zone and he’s already messing up. he’s never been the greatest at human interaction, especially not with strangers, but today he seems to be even worse than usual. 

god, he wants to disappear. 

a hand rests on his hip, the touch so comforting and familiar that jaehyeong can’t help but lean into the warm body behind him. “everything ok, baby?” woosung says, this time wrapping body arms around the younger’s waist. 

“yes. i’m sorry, i just… got overwhelmed.”

woosung’s hold of him tightens at the younger’s words. even if jaehyeong is taller than him, he always feels safe in the elder’s arms. woosung has been part of his comfort zone for as long as he can remember. dojoon and hajoon as well, though jaehyeong will never say that it’s woosung who brings him greater peace. 

“you need me to bring your pills? your blanket? do you want joonie to sing to you? anything you want baby, just say it and we’ll bring it.”

a small smile creeps on his face. “thank you, sungie, but i’m ok. i took my dosage today.” he reaches for the milkshake glass the boy pushes towards him. woosung is faster than him when it comes to taking the money out to pay. five dollars, slid across the counter. the change, a precise 2.50, goes straight into the tip jar. 

“now come on, love,” woosung says as he pulls the younger back to the table. he has his coffee in one hand, while the other is holding jaehyeong close. “we have to finish up so that we can go back to driving.”

“can i drive next?” he asks, taking his seat next to hajoon again. the three of them exchange a look, one that is enough of an answer to him. jaehyeong sighs. “ok, i won’t drive.”

“that’s not--”

“no, don’t worry, i get it! it’s not safe to let me drive while i’m on meds. _ but _ if you three get too tired, _ i _will be the one driving at least while you rest.” he slurps his milkshake, the ice cold liquid going straight to his brain. “deal?”

they can’t resist him. it’s dojoon who shakes his hand over the table. “deal.”

jaehyeong takes one more sip and-- 

“_ argh, _brain freeze!”

the three, his whole _ world _erupts in laughter. and jaehyeong joins them because, well… he can’t resist them either. 


	2. you wet my eyes, but i don't mind it

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> being like this, close to his friends, stuck in a minivan with them is… amazing. better than what he had expected. nothing he had dreamed of can even compare to what it feels like.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw// hajoon th*ows up because of an ed in the second part. it starts from the paragraph that begins with "can you pull over" to the one with "if you wanna smoke with us". i will make a brief summary of what happens there in the end notes if you want to skip that.   
tw2// in the third part the boys smoke w*ed. it's not that graphic, but still, if you're triggered by that please skip it

hajoon wakes up with an incredible headache and a twisted body. he fell asleep on woosung’s lap while he was driving again. fell asleep is a way phrasing; he passed out. not fun. 

“did you not stop driving while i slept, sungie?” he asks, bending around so that he can stand properly without hitting his head to the steering wheel  _ or  _ to woosung’s chin. 

“i didn’t have to pee, so you were in luck,” woosung says easily, resting his hand on the steering wheel. 

the car comes to a sudden halt and hajoon notices only then that they’ve arrived in a parking lot. the door opens, dojoon and jaehyeong stepping inside the car. “how long have i been out?”

“enough for me and jae to go and buy alcohol,” dojoon answers him. he’s carrying a bag full of bottles that rattle when he places it on woosung’s table. “you think we have enough space in the minifridge for the beer?”

woosung pops the fridge open. he makes an affirmative noise before turning around to get the bag. the two have bought various bottles of alcohol which will hopefully last them at least a few days. 

hajoon may have been too quiet, since suddenly there is a  _ cold _ water bottle held against his neck. he screeches and almost jumps out of the car. 

“what the  _ fuck?! _ ” 

jaehyeong hides his giggles by looking down at his feet, but hajoon can still see the way his shoulder shake as an even bigger laughter fit threatens to spill from his lips. he can’t be mad at him, damn it. it’s physically impossible for any of them to get mad at jaehyeong. 

so instead, hajoon pulls the youngest in his arms, and decides to play along. he sticks the bottle right under the brunet’s shirt and laughs even louder than him when jaehyeong begins to squirm around, trying to free himself. a second later and hajoon can feel jaehyeong grow hard. 

a whine escapes jaehyeong when hajoon presses a kiss to his exposed collarbones. “you’re cute baby, but now we have to get ready for your... third gift?” hajoon frowns in thought. he really can’t remember if they’ve given jaehyeong his second present. 

“second, joonie,” woosung says, from where he’s buried under the small sink. hajoon didn’t even notice he got out of the driver seat and went into the back of the van. 

“right, right. i’m sorry, i forgot.” he gives jaehyeong a sheepish smile, to which the younger just giggles in response.  _ god _ ,  _ he is adorable _ . he kisses his finger and presses it to jaehyeong’s lips. 

no one knows when exactly they started doing this. at first, it was just hajoon and jaehyeong who shared these types of kisses, but after a while it became something they all did. maybe it was the fear of ruining whatever they had that stopped the boys from actually kissing each other, or maybe it was the fear of having hearing the boys admit that they do  _ not _ want to kiss each other; the fear of hurting the other. hajoon was scared of the former. he’s wanted to kiss them since he realized he liked boys, and that was many years ago. 

jaehyeong’s hand wraps around his wrist, stopping him from taking his hand off of his lips. this has never happened before. 

“i love you,” jaehyeong says, kissing the pad of hajoon’s forefinger. he guides his hand so that hajoon touches his own lips with the freshly kissed finger. 

“i… i love you too, jae.”

* * *

the night falls upon them while they’re still driving. well, dojoon is the one driving now, since jaehyeong isn’t allowed and woosung had done his fair driving for the day. hajoon is more than happy to spend time with the elder in the front of the car. he doesn’t talk, thinking he may disturb dojoon, but even so, he savours the moment. 

being like this, close to his friends,  _ stuck _ in a minivan with them is… amazing. better than what he had expected. nothing he had dreamed of can even compare to what it feels like. 

hajoon’s head rolls back, hitting the hard cushion of the chair. he doesn’t make a sound of protest at the pain, already used to greater aches suffered along the years. 

“be careful, baby,” he hears dojoon say. hajoon hums in response and lets his eyes fall shut. he hasn’t been eating that much since they left except for some of woosung’s greasy fries; he’s beginning to feel sick. 

“can you pull over?”

“right now?” he can’t see dojoon, but judging by his voice alone, he’s wearing a worried expression. hajoon can’t--  _ doesn’t want _ to speak, too scared he will throw up then and there. thankfully, the vehicle stops and he  _ jumps _ out of it. 

he’s throwing up  _ everything _ before his feet even hit the ground properly. his head hurts, his limbs are numb, his stomach is twisting in every way possible just to get everything out. hajoon wants to die. or just cease to exist in the physical realm. which one works best. 

a cold hand pulls his hair back, resting on his heated skin after it does so. hajoon sighs. in this very moment, he thanks dojoon’s mother for giving him bad blood circulation to his hands. the blond never thought it will come in handy. 

“you can’t just drink coffee and  _ not _ eat, baby. it’s not healthy.”

“i wasn’t hungry.”

“really now?” dojoon keeps pushing. hajoon wants to lie, but the elder is looking out for him. 

hajoon stands straight, his hair falling in his eyes. he doesn’t want to see himself, hajoon already knows he looks disgusting. “i’ll gladly eat your banana, daddy-o,” he says, but not long after the words leave his mouth the nausea takes over again, and hajoon has to bend again. he falls to his knees this time, all energy leaving his body. 

“if you wanna smoke with us, you  _ eat _ .” there is no room for argument in dojoon’s voice, but even if there was, hajoon didn’t stand a chance. the three of them care more about his well being and they would’ve done anything to make sure he eats enough. 

“oreos?” he asks, trying to plead the elder just with one look. 

dojoon sighs and helps him to his feet. he wipes down the sweat on his forehead with his hoodie’s sleeve. “more than just a few oreos. a peanut butter and jelly sandwich at least.”

“only if you cut the crust off.”

dojoon opens the door for him, helping him get inside. “one pb&j sandwich, crust off for a big spoiled baby, please!” he asks for, getting inside as well and closing the door behind him. 

“we’re not leaving now?”

“i want to make sure you eat it,” dojoon answers casually. 

hajoon rolls his eyes. “woosungie and hyeongie can look over me, dodo.”

“just humor me, please?” dojoon looks close to begging, his exhaustion much more visible right now than it was seconds before. 

hajoon shuts up and forces down the sandwich jaehyeong passes him. the same boy rubs his back gently, his voice soft as he praises hajoon for eating. he shouldn’t get praised for doing something everyone else does. 

he swallows down the last bit of bread and sighs. his stomach already hurts. 

“you did great, baby,” dojoon whispers, pulling him closer to rub his belly. it eases the pain a bit and for the second time in not even ten minutes, hajoon is thankful for dojoon’s abnormally cold hands. 

“do i get a kiss for that?” he asks. the blond is falling into a trance-like state that occurs after each and every episode of sorts. it’s his brain’s way of getting back all the energy wasted on throwing up and forcing himself to eat. 

his body begins to go numb, his head lolls to the side, lying on dojoon’s chest. he feels a kiss on his forehead (woosung; hajoon can feel the slight stubble), one on his cheek (jaehyeong; his lips are always chapped, no matter how many lip balms they buy him) and one in the corner of his mouth (dojoon; his lips taste like chocolate, something that is very unmistakable him), before he passes out again. 

* * *

woosung is always the one to roll the joints. he’s the only one whose hands don’t shake. woosung jokes it’s because he’s been doing it for years now, ever since he was thirteen and he had to help his father with his  _ business _ . hajoon knows it’s because he’s the only one without any physical scars. 

hajoon is always laying down whenever they find themselves in the dark with only the lit up joint as a source of light. he’s sprawled across all of their laps because when he’s high, he needs comfort. he thrives on the touches the others give him. they aid to his ever growing anxieties. 

the joint gets placed between jaehyeong’s lips by woosung, since they all agreed the birthday boy deserves to be first. hajoon watches as he takes a short drag of the nicely rolled joint, holding the smoke in his mouth and inhaling deeply, before jaehyeong finally blows it out. he doesn’t cough or tear up; the younger has had his fair share of experience. 

the joint gets passed between them, no one taking a drag longer than a second. they don’t have much weed left, and should there be an emergency, woosung needs it more than them. 

they don’t speak, not because they don’t know what to say --there are many questions bugging hajoon alone-- but because the quiet is… what they need right now. it’s their little peaceful universe, a place where pain and heartbreak and tears don’t exist. 

woosung’s hand finds itself in hajoon’s hair, playing with the greasy blond hair. it’s high time they find a place to shower. tomorrow, though, since the weed is starting to act up. 

“you know what i think is funny?” hajoon asks, grabbing the other’s attention. “i don’t think i’d still be here without you. sometimes i think… that you three  _ are  _ the only reason i’m still around, y’know?”

the hand in his hair tightens its grip for just a second, before releasing the locks. woosung bends down to peck his forehead; something wet lands on his cheek. is he crying without reason again? hajoon touches his face and sure enough, there are tears rolling down his cheeks. nothing new, same old sensitive feelings. 

“don’t say that, baby. it’s not because of us you’re alive; it’s you. you did this, your strength helped you stay alive,” woosung whispers. he’s trying hard not to cry. 

hajoon reaches for his face, holding it close. he doesn’t want anyone else to cry but himself. they don’t deserve to be sad. they did nothing wrong. it’s all hajoon’s big mouth opening without his acord. “it’s true, sungie. you three helped me so much.”

he stands, ending up in dojoon’s lap. the blond backs away just a bit so that he can look at all of them as he speaks, “i love you. thank you for sticking around even when shit went down with my family. i don’t say this enough, but you’re the most important people in my life now.”

this time, it’s jaehyeong who pulls him in his arms, wrapping his long limbs around hajoon’s shaking form. “i think i speak for all of us when i say that you’re just as important-- if not more!”

“yeah,” dojoon agrees, “we’re all in this together, you know?”

a moment of silence, but then woosung asks, “did you just quote  _ high school musical _ ?” and just like that, the spell is broken.  _ not _ in a bad way, though, but in a way that is so familiar that hajoon finds himself laughing at how stupid his friends are. 

whilst woosung and dojoon begin to bicker about which song was more superior (dojoon tries to convince the elder that  _ boys are back _ fits their group dynamic better, but woosung won’t back down from his idea that just because of the pure agony he felt when  _ gotta go my own way _ started the song should be ranked as number one), jaehyeong busies himself with wiping the tears still staining hajoon’s cheeks. 

“never forget that we love you more than anything,” jaehyeong murmurs, as he gazes into hajoon’s eyes. the air around them, though they’re out in the open, is thick. the joint is long finished, the daze is just setting in, their hazy worlds merging together. 

when hajoon blinks, tears start falling again, but it’s ok. he doesn’t want to hide them. they’re happy tears, brought to his eyes by his closest friends, those he considers something more. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> summary: hajoon asks dojoon to pull over since he's been feeling nauseous. after that, dojoon scolds him for not taking care of his body and not caring about his health. he tries to convince him to eat and tells him that unless he does that then he wont be allowed to smoke


	3. i'm a lonely boy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> dojoon is surrounded by people, bodies moving next to him, lights shining in his eyes... but he is terribly alone and exposed.

he’s alone. he’s all alone in a club full of people. it’s not the first time for dojoon, and he doubts it will be the last one too. the boys are… somewhere. hajoon is most likely dancing, woosung is at the bar and jaehyeong is either watching people from the shadows or trying to convince woosung to let him have a sip of his drink. they don’t give him alcohol after they ended up with him in the E.R. 

they’ve been in this nightclub for far too long. dojoon can barely feel the time passing, the world moving forward. that’s how drunk he is. it’s not like he’s had much anyway, just a few beers, but it’s been a hot minute since he actually drank any alcohol. 

he enjoys being sober and in control, he has no idea what even happened tonight to make him drink. he hasn’t felt helpless, nor ready to destroy something other than his health, so why on god’s green earth did his lips touch that disgusting piss-like liquid? he regrets everything he’s done until this point in his miserable life. 

he catches sight of hajoon, dancing alone in the middle of the dance floor, having no care in the world. he’s just as alone as dojoon is, but hajoon looks contempt. 

dojoon wants to feel whatever the hell the blond is feeling instead of the recurring feelings of self-dread and absolute solitary. he has to understand he’s not actually alone anymore. 

so he leaves to where the younger is having fun, and tries to bury these feelings deep inside his heart. he dances the pain away, body so close to hajoon’s that it’s all he can focus on. 

he’s alone. he’s right next to his best friend, to someone he considers his soulmate, someone he loves more than he loves himself, yet dojoon has never felt so lonely.    
  


* * *

house after house, family after family, dojoon has never had a place he could call his home. no one he could call his family, his mom, his dad or siblings. he was always passed around from one person to another. 

_ too troublesome, too agitated. he requires far too much attention for us, find him someone who won’t be bothered by him glaring at them. _

dojoon heard that and so much more. if he were to get a dollar for each time a new foster family sent him home after not even a month of him staying over, he’d have at least fifty bucks more to his name. 

he was always in luck though; his foster families were never too far from where his best friends were. the farthest he’s been from woosung, hajoon and jaehyeong has been one hour by bus.

at least, until he turned 16 and they shipped all the way to rhode island. dojoon has never been as depressed as he was back then. he refused to eat, he didn’t talk to anyone in the foster family, no matter how nice they were to him, and he caused as much trouble as he could. 

it was all useless, this family took it upon themselves to help dojoon get better, be of a pristine behaviour. in that moment, when he realized that he was stuck, dojoon wanted to scream and punch whatever living being crossed his way. 

he ran away as soon as he saw himself turn legal. he ran back to his best friends and hasn’t left their side since that day. after that, it was always the four of them and whilst he may have them by his side, he still didn’t feel like he truly belonged there, with them. 

the two years spent away from them had made him close off, made him unable to trust his best friends with his problems. so he carried this burden on his shoulders without anyone’s help. 

* * *

dojoon doesn’t mind driving all the time, on the contrary, he loves it. loves how for a few hours, he gets to focus on something else. so when woosung asks him to drive through the rest of the state, he agrees. 

they’re almost out of pennsylvania, soon to enter ohio and the moment they’re finally there, dojoon has clear orders from one angry jaehyeong that he must stop the car and sleep. 

jaehyeong who despite not having slept in almost two days —dojoon kept a close eye on him; the younger man stopped taking his sleeping pills, only pretending to be asleep when laying next to whoever  _ was _ actually sleeping— is still very much full of enough energy to glare at dojoon whenever  _ he  _ is yawning. 

it’s adorable, but dojoon knows better than to call a sleepless jaehyeong adorable. so, he just looks at the road ahead and pays attention to the way the lights and driving signs get blurrier with each step on the accelerator pedal. he’s seen nothing but corn fields for the past hour, and where normal people would be mad, probably bored out of their mind, dojoon is simply enjoying the ride. 

that is until he gets a brilliant idea. 

he pulls over, stopping the engine but leaving the lights on. this is one thing mirtill is good at, being worse than any car when it comes to the waste of energy it produces. turning the music off --david bowie, one of his favorites-- he gets out of the car and walks around it to open the door for jaehyeong. 

“come on! i wanna look for aliens!” he exclaims, maybe a tad too loudly, because the next thing he knows someone is throwing rose, poor, innocent rose at his head. 

hajoon comes out of the car, grumbling something about how dojoon is far too excited about alien tiddies at this late hour. a few minutes later, a topless woosung steps out of the van, he too grumbling about how cold it is. 

jaehyeong gives him his hoodie without much thought, remaining only in his long sleeved shirt. “do you want to go back to sleep, sungie? i can read to you if you’d like,” he says, shuffling closer to the elder. 

the man blinks at jaehyeong, wrapping his arms around his waist. “i wanna find aliens. but after that i’m taking over the driver spot and i’m taking you three fuckers to ohio and  _ then _ we all get to sleep and cuddle and shit, understood?” his voice, despite how tired he must be, is cold (not cold enough to overpower the fondness that’s still there).

“yes, sir!” they all respond, hajoon going as far as saluting woosung. 

“good boys. now come on,” he begins by pulling jaeheyong towards the fields, since he’s the closest to him right now, “maybe we’ll find ourselves a nice new friend.” as he starts walking, he passes by hajoon and collects him too, holding his hand tightly. 

dojoon feels a sting in his heart. he’s ready to follow them closely behind, his hands buried deep inside his pockets, when fingers sneak around his wrist, stopping his actions. hajoon slips his hand in his and only after that he allows dojoon to hide it in his hoodie pocket. 

when he looks at hajoon, the blond is giving him a lopsided smile and something warm grows inside dojoon, making him feel all fuzzy and gross. he moves closer to hajoon, in hopes that the feeling will only grow in size and intensity. 

“why exactly are we hunting aliens?” hajoon asks.

“because it would be fun,” dojoon answers him simply. it’s been a dream of his to find some aliens in a corn field with his friends ever since he found out aliens exist, but when three out of your three best friends don’t believe in the existence of aliens, it’s hard to get them to agree on it. 

they’re only out here with him right now because they’re sleep deprived anyways. 

jaehyeong yawns. “and how will we know we found one either way?” 

“because they will be tinier than woo, duuh.” hajoon laughs at his own joke, getting an elbow straight in his side from his bullying target. “i love you, woo,” he pouts down at the elder as he speaks, his eyes wide and innocent, the exact definition of puppy eyes. 

from his place, dojoon can see the way woosung is trying hard not to melt and throw himself all over the blond. “fuck off, joon,” he says instead. 

jaehyeongs rolls his eyes at dojoon and mouth something along the lines of  _ idiots _ . dojoon smiles in agreement. 

a corn field in the middle of the night is not that interesting, dojoon is soon to find out. there aren’t any crop circles and the amount of  _ country girls make do _ jokes he’s heard from hajoon is enough to last him a lifetime. he’s sick of the yellow field and wants nothing more than to just get out of it and go back to driving old mirtill to ohio. 

so he voices his decision to his friends, but before he can finish it, ruffling in the tall plants interrupt him. 

“did… did you do that?” hajoon’s voice is but above a whisper. dojoon shakes his head lightly and positions himself in front of the three men. might as well be the first one killed by a potential alien. 

“keep quiet, ok?” he whispers over his shoulder, trying not to break eye contact with the still ruffling brown leafs. 

a moment passes; nothing happens. the sound stops, the movement of the plants ceases as well. 

“you think we’re gonna die--” jaehyeong breaks into a scream when something jumps from behind the corn. 

it’s a puppy. a baby husky who looks as scared of them as they are of it. the poor thing is shaking, its white fur dirty, its snout somehow even messier. 

woosung is the one to approach him, kneeling down in front of the pup and holding his hand out for it to smell. he doesn’t make any sudden movements and when he does speak, his voice is gentle, “hey there, bud. what’s your name?”

they don’t make a single noise, watching closely as the puppy comes near woosung and sniffs his hand, before bumping its little head in it and asking for pets. or food, by the way its stomach roars. 

“can we keep it?” woosung asks, looking up at them with hopeful eyes. 

“i…” jaehyeong swallows. he looks at the others reaction, but when he can’t read them either, he stops.

“how are we going to take care of it?” dojoon questions, though he has to admit, the puppy  _ is _ adorable. 

“we can give…” woosung checks its private parts, “her a bath now! i have water for that outside shower thing! and i may have dog shampoo in my car…”

“why… nevermind. i’m ok with keeping her as long as she doesn’t shit in the car,” hajoon says as he stretches his back until it cracks. “can we go back to the car now? i’m freezing.”

woosung picks the puppy up, wrapping her in his (jaehyeong’s) hoodie. he rushes to the van, leaving his friends behind. 

they don’t hurry, taking their time on the walk back. jaehyeong shuffles closer to dojoon, holding onto him. “you think we did something wrong by agreeing to practically adopt a dog?”

“maybe. but he looks happy, so who the fuck cares?”

“you say that now, but the moment you wake up with a dog killing you because she’s sleeping on your face you’re gonna change your mind,” hajoon says, he too getting closer to the elder until they’re walking like a trio of penguins. 

“you’re just jealous there is another puppy in the family now, joon,” jaehyeong snorts. 

the only reason hajoon can’t fight with the youngest is because dojoon is between them. not that this would normally stop the blond. when hajoon wants to fight someone, he  _ fights  _ them, no matter what or  _ who _ comes between him and his target. 

when they, at last, reach the van, woosung is already drying the puppy off with one of their towels. she looks just as pretty, if not even more like a mystical being. her fur is whiter, glistening in the moonlight. she barks happily when she notices the three men heading their way, and squirms out of woosung’s grasp to run to them. she jumps straight to hajoon, who reluctantly picks her up. 

“so what are we gonna name her?”

“wolf!” woosung exclaims. it makes jaehyeong giggle and dojoon groan. 

“we are  _ not _ naming her wolf, sung,” dojoon says.

woosung thinks about his next option for a moment. then, just as excited as the first time, he shouts, “lupin!”

“that’s just another word for wolf!”

“moon?”

_ “no!” _

woosung’s shoulders slump and it takes everything from dojoon not to drop what he just said and accept wolf lupin moon as his adoptive daughter. when the elder looks at them one more time, he’s wearing an expression full of determination. “sirius,” he says, and dojoon  _ knows _ he won’t take no as an answer. 

dojoon reaches to pet the puppy-- sirius, behind her ears. “welcome to the crew then, sirius.”

sirius barks and licks his hand.

* * *

they reach ohio at four in the morning, and by five they found a camping spot for the van. 

the bed is big enough to fit all four of them, so the moment woosung stops the engine and pulls the hand brake, three out of four sleep deprived men are already zombie walking to the back of the car. they don’t change in pajamas, just get under the fluffy covers and snuggle close. 

sirius is curled up at their feet, snoring lightly. she’s eaten some of the sustainable food they still had and she already looks healthier. when they wake up, they have to take her to a vet,  _ that _ is for sure. 

jaehyeong turns on the light above them, the overall dark room flooding with a yellow-ish gleam. he begins to read to them, easing the three of them into a placid sleep. his soothing voice calms the turmoil inside dojoon, and just before he finally falls asleep, he senses the way the book hits the mattress, jaehyeong’s breathing evening out. 

that is the moment they close their eyes and let their body and mind go numb.


	4. but i still wake up, i still see your ghost

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> when he first came up with this idea of a road trip, it was to run away. he still has no clue from what.

there is something unique about being in a gas station in the dead of the night, when there is no one but the cashier behind the counter to keep him company as he looks around the establishment for the peanuts woosung knows hajoon likes. 

the past few days have been nothing but hectic, with the whole getting sirius checked up and finding places to sleep that  _ did _ allow dogs inside added to the never ending drama that is woosung’s life. 

he finally finds the peanuts, hidden behind a bag of beef jerky. he takes them both and heads to the cash register. 

when he first came up with this idea of a road trip, it was to run away. he still has no clue from what, he just knows that one week before jaehyeong turned twenty he thought of how beautiful it would be to be free, to drive down a road that doesn’t seem to end, until finally reaching the final destination. he thought how in that moment, he wouldn’t want to be without his best friends; he needs them in far too many ways than he’s willing to accept. 

it was for him to get away from the past, sure, but it was also for all of them to forget about  _ everything _ while being with the only people that still care. 

woosung pushes the amount of money for the snacks and the fuel --a tank full of gas and another two containers worth of petrol for the road-- over to the girl. he rocks on his heels as she fumbles with the change. 

she’s blushing far too brightly when she passes the money to woosung, but he pays her no mind. even if she were the most attractive woman in the world, he still wouldn’t spare her a glance. not when there are three boys out there, waiting for him inside his ratty van. three boys that he loves more than anything and that love him back… just not as much. 

woosung walks in the dark to the car, shaking the thoughts away. 

the light is on inside the car and he can see hajoon resting his head on the steering wheel, his blond hair shining golden from the light above his head. 

the brunet checks both ways before crossing the small empty space there is between the entrance of the station and mirtill. the parking lot is empty, no souls in any close proximity. 

but woosung still sees  _ something _ , in the corner of his eyes. a shadow, a memory of laughter and happiness turned sour, an angel that turned into a devil; a past lover that became a fuel for nightmares. 

_ not real, he’s no longer here, he’s no longer part of your life, woosung.  _

a dog barks in the distance, making woosung jump and drop the snacks. laughing nervously, he picks them up and goes straight to the van. he opens the door and slips inside, startling hajoon.

“drive,” he tells the blond as he straps the belt across his body. hajoon has a tendency of driving recklessly. 

“yes, sir!” 

and they drive off into the darkness ahead.

* * *

“i spy with my little eye…” jaehyeong trails off, looking out the window before turning around to eye the inside of the van, “something small!”

“woosung!” hajoon yells his answer, confidence oozing out of his voice. 

“correct!” 

“fuck you guys, i’m not playing anymore!” woosung pouts, he is so mad at the constant bullying (he’s not. he loves being smaller than his friends, loves how he fits in their arms, even when he knows he could ruin each of them with the right words and actions) that he  _ fucking pouts _ . 

jaehyeong pulls the shorter man in his arms, lathering his face in kisses to make up for the way he just insulted his ego. dojoon stirs in his sleep, his head falling from woosung’s shoulder to his chest. it’s a tight fit, all four of them in the front of the car, but they make it work. dojoon is halfway in woosung’s lap, while jaehyeong occupies the other half, so hajoon has enough space to drive in peace. 

sirius is once again sleeping on the bed, her new favorite spot. she’s nestled on top of some of their clothes, enjoying life. she doesn’t hear their boisterous laughter nor the loud music playing on the radio. but then again, neither does dojoon. 

“my turn,” woosung says. “i spy with my little eye… something that’s very… pretty.”

“corn?” jaehyeong asks, looking around frantically to find what woosung is talking about. woosung shakes his head gently, a smile blooming on his lips. “a car?” again, he shakes his head. “the sky? the fields? the grass? the road? my phone? hajoon’s phone? dojoon’s phone?  _ your  _ phone? rose? sirius? that cat we just passed? the clouds?  _ the sun?! _ ” 

at each guess, woosung just shook his head. and with each no he got, jaehyeong got more and more exasperated. he’s guessed  _ everything _ , anything that he could think of and that he knew they passed by, yet  _ nothing _ seemed to work!

“i give up. tell me what it is?” he says with a pout.

woosung leans down to kiss his nose. “do you have any guesses, joonie?” he asks hajoon, his arm reaching behind jaehyeong’s back to rest on the blond’s neck. 

“a dick,” hajoon snorts. “no, i think it’s… dodo.” 

woosung hums, but doesn’t say if he’s right or wrong. he settles more comfortably, his arm falling down to take a hold of hajoon’s hand. 

he doesn’t tell them that he’s talking about all of them, or that to woosung, they are the prettiest, the uttermost ethereal beings. that they are his gods, the divine creatures he’s willing to dedicate his life to, to worship them until he falls to his knees, his heart cold.

“it was a butterfly,” he whispers, his eyes falling shut. 

jaehyeong shuffles closer, wrapping his arms around woosung’s middle. “yeah, they’re really pretty, sungie.”

* * *

woosung’s eyes shoot awake, a thin layer of sweat covering his forehead. hajoon and dojoon are on either side of him, sleeping without a care. jaehyeong is on top of him, but the eldest can tell he’s not asleep. his breathing isn’t as even as it normally gets when he’s asleep and his fingers are fidgeting with hajoon’s shirt. 

when woosung moves, jaehyeong tenses. the younger pretends to be asleep (something he’s gotten good at over the years) and who is woosung to ruin this fantasy. he carefully stands up, making sure to tuck jaehyeong under the blanket and kiss his forehead. 

“i love you.”

he shivers as his feet touch the cold floor. there is a hoodie on the carpet, one that doesn’t have the role as sirius’ bed, that woosung picks up and pulls over his head. 

he opens the door and closes it just as fast once he’s out.

their camping spot is well hidden behind trees and other vans and tiny houses or buses. the tiny house movement is going strong in indiana. he doesn’t worry about unwanted guests ready to mug him. his only worry should be horny teens who think that fucking in the woods is a good idea. 

he walks around the van for a bit, taking a seat on a rock nearby. it’s so cold that it sends a shock through woosung’s body, but he doesn’t care. his body will adjust soon enough. 

the dark always reminds him of yejun, of the secretive touches they shared in the privacy of yejun’s room, of the intimacy and love they had, of the dream he used to live when near the elder. the dark, starless nights bring back undesired memories of screams and doors slammed, of sick jealousy and stolen phones, of what yejun became. 

he lets out a shaky breath and watches as the air turns foggy and dances in the poorly lit atmosphere, before disappearing as if it was never there. the sight calms his nerves just a bit, though it’s not enough. 

woosung drums his fingers on the smooth side of the rock, his nails scratching at it with each hit. he thinks up a melody, something mellow and slow to ease his breathing. it’s not enough. 

he’s in the open, in the wild, but he feels as if he’s in the smallest place known to humankind. there are walls which don’t exist closing up around him, making him curl up in a ball. it’s not enough to break him.  _ yet _ .

he hums the melody under his breath. 

he counts to ten and back to zero. 

he inhales for five seconds, holds his breath for seven, exhales for nine. 

_ nothing is working. _

woosung breaks down. he’s in the open, in the wild, and he’s crying his heart out, hoping that the pain, the trauma will leave his body and soul through the tears he’s shedding with the moon. 

it’s not enough. 

when he’s so deep in his sorrows, his body shaking from fear, he doesn’t want anyone to see him. and if they  _ do _ happen to see him, he doesn’t want them anywhere near him. woosung doesn’t want people to catch him in such a vulnerable state. 

footsteps from behind him make woosung stop his heavy breathing. it’s jaehyeong, he already knows it’s him by how light the steps are. 

if there is one person he allows to witness his uneasiness, that person is jaehyeong. he doesn’t know why it’s only jaehyeong he can suffer when like this. maybe it’s because they’ve been through thick and thin, but one thing is for sure: the younger’s presence is like that of an angel. 

arms wrap around his body, a bigger, much warmer body covering his until he’s nothing but drowning in jaehyeong. his scent, his fluffy sweater, his sweet, deep voice, his familiar embrace that feels like home. woosung savours the soon to end peaceful moment while he can. 

he lets himself wet jaehyeong’s clothes without feeling guilty. he will in a few moments, after he realizes what he’s doing, but for now, it’s nice to be held, rather than holding onto a beautiful memory turned miserable. 

“it’s ok, hyung. i’ve got you. you can cry now, you’re ok.” 

those words alone could make woosung shatter, but he doesn’t. he gets a grip on himself and only cries until there is nothing left inside of him but emptiness and a love that blooms again. 

“you’re ok,” jaehyeong keeps on whispering, almost as if it became somewhat of a mantra. at this point, woosung doesn’t know if he’s trying to reassure the elder or himself. 

woosung takes a deep breath. he has jaehyeong by his side, hajoon and dojoon just as close. he’s ok, the past is in the past, yejun is no longer here to torment him. it doesn’t even matter they are in the pouring rain, a storm he didn’t notice. the warmth they share is enough to keep them safe. 

“how about we go to an adventure park tomorrow, hm?” jaehyeong asks. 

“you know i’m scared of heights, jae.”

“we don’t have to go on rollercoasters! we can go on the ferris wheel! or those spinning tea cups! and we can have cotton candy and popcorn and funnel cake! and i can win you a stuffie! i can win all of you one!”

woosung nods against his chest, “okay.”

for now, woosung can act as if the thoughts are no longer here. they will come back later on, as they always do, but right now, woosung wants to pretend.

* * *

amusement parks are not a place where woosung would go voluntarily. most of them smell like piss and burned sugar, there are little screaming gremlins and annoyed parents willing to step on you in order to get ahead in line and to top it all off, there are roller coasters. his enemies. 

he’s watched far too many videos where they collapse or where people are sent flying because the bars that should hold them down  _ and _ the belts aren’t working. the mere thought of riding one makes him want to puke. he’d much rather ride a monster dick like in those weird hentais dojoon watches when he thinks no one is there to see him sinning. 

it’s not the idea of dying on a roller coaster that scares him, it’s the idea of not being able to control how his end will come to him that makes a shiver run down his spine. woosung has a rather simple plan of dying; he’s had it for a while now. he doesn’t want to die alone, that one is for sure. he’s been without anyone by his side for so long, he’s been abandoned by family and a lover, the least he can want is to die with his present happiness next to him. 

he looks at the back of jaehyeong’s head, at the back of dojoon’s head and then, he looks at the hand resting on top of his. hajoon’s hand. he remembers them, their faces and laughs, their embraces and happy souls. 

the roller coaster starts moving, woosung closes his eyes. he shifts just a bit closer to hajoon.

if he were to die right now, he wouldn’t mind it. 

woosung screams at the top of his lungs as the metal moving coffin slides down the giant drop. 

he wouldn’t mind it one bit. 

he makes it out alive, of course he does. in the end, it wasn’t as bad as they made it sound in those scary videos on the internet. it wasn’t even half as bad. it was great! sure, he held his eyes closed the whole time and screamed so loud his throat is sore now, but it was nice. his favorite part, by far, was when hajoon pulled him even closer to him, feeling how panicked he became after just two loops. 

now, patiently waiting in a line for cotton candy, woosung realizes this isn’t the worst way they could spend the day. the place may still smell like piss and little kids are still screaming in his ear, but he is not alone. he has  _ them _ by his side, and this is the only way he wants to spend his time, in their company. 

dojoon is leaning on his shoulder, his soft hair tickling woosung’s neck. he smells of lilac and cannabis, and woosung loves it. they share the same shampoo and shower gel, since it’s easier to wash together and save water, but to him they all have their own smell. jaehyeong smells of old books and chocolate, hajoon of tobacco and fire and dojoon? he smells like a meadow of flowers in full bloom and it just so happens that in that the field has weed growing as well. 

their scents combined bring woosung joy and so much more. 

“can i get some blue cotton candy, sungie?” dojoon asks, wrapping his arms around woosung.

“of course, you baby. i can get you anything you want as long as you don’t get an upset tummy after that,” woosung murmurs, his hand reaching to pet at the dark hair. 

the younger whines and hides his face in woosung’s neck. “i’m not a baby, you know?”

“what was that, baby? you are baby? that is indeed, very true.”

dojoon hits his stomach lightly. they fall into comfortable silence, enjoying each other’s presence and the noise around them. 

hajoon and jaehyeong have probably long finished their quest of winning  _ every _ stuffed toy this amusement park has to offer, so it won’t be much longer before they come back. 

“you think the cotton candy will keep you fed?” 

“no, but your dick will,” dojoon says with a wink. 

woosung fights back a blush, mumbling something about the joons being far too shameless. 

“you’re cute when you get flustered, you know? adorable,” the younger grins at him, a bite in his voice. 

the teasing does make him want to fight back, to show him  _ he  _ is the one in control here (jaehyeong calls him a dumb alpha, whatever that means). he pushes down the desire to take over and instead he kisses his finger and presses it to dojoo’s lips. “shut up now, will you, baby?”

dojoon sucks in a harsh breath, his eyes clouded with something dark. 

“will you reward me if i do so…” his voice drops a few octaves until only woosung can hear him, “ _ sir _ ?”

“we’ll see about that, baby.” woosung drags him a few steps forward, to where the line has moved during their hushed talk. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tell me what you thought of this chapter? 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

**Author's Note:**

> [twitter](https://twitter.com/cryystal_moon)   
[curiouscat](https://curiouscat.me/cryystal_moon)


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